the day i’ve dreaded has finally occurred.

my car died on my last night. it seems a hose broke, my cooliant has leaked, and it overheats very quickly. it sounds minor, but i started smelling burning rubber when i run the heater to cool the engine. from what i’ve heard, that’s an indication of serious engine block problems. which means the car will not feasibly be fixable.

this means i have to buy a car… about a year earlier than i had hoped.

so the worse news. i dont have any actual money to put as a down payment, and it’s unlikely that i will not get much from trading it in, if my parents will even allow that. so because i’ll have to pay more a month, i can’t afford rent AND a car payment. thankfully my rent contract is up at the end of august. so my best ideas thus far is to live out of a suitcase for a couple months, or until i know exactly where i will be for a while.

i need to call some friends and ask if i can stay on their couch, otherwise, i will need to live out of a hotel/motel. it gets worse. i have to make this decision by the end of this month (all 3 remaining days).

the upside, i have a woman who loves me unconditionally and will be marrying in jan. i also still have my health (yet no health/life insurance).

crystal’s step dad tells this story about how his rock-bottom was using a tree branch as a christmas tree which held one broken bulb. his dinners consisted largely of raw macaroni. a co-worked told me his bottom was living in a friends garage. so it could be worse, but it could be a lot better.

im tired of not having enough money and im tired of not knowing where i will be. the last thing i need is this pressure. my dad is also calling to tell me i have to be in town this weekend so he can drop me off some stuff and pick up the junk heap. i had plans to go to dallas and don’t intend on changing them.

being a child was so much simplier.