I logged into WebCT today to check out my Artificial Intelligence materials during lunch. I decided to switch to the v4 to see if they posted my score on the Advanced Operating Systems QE. Sure enough, they had, and there it sat mocking me, taunting me, and making my self-worth and confidence plummet:

6378 06F Marg

A marginal. 6 straight days of cramming for this exam and all I mustered was a marginal. Technically a marginal is not a pass nor a fail but is a mark to be graded after the rest of the parts have been graded. You cannot pass with more than one marginal and retaking an exam overwrites any previous score.

I emailed the professor who agreed to let me take the exam as a masters student and the only assurance he could offer was to ask me to speak with him in his office early next week. So until then, I feel like my confidence has been replaced with much self-doubt and despair. Sunshine advised that I not let it bother me too much, but I can’t help it.

Basically, I NEED a PhD. I need to be a PhD graduate so that I can work on the things I want to work on and not be stuck in a single job with no advancement like some people. My attention span can only be captured by the seemingly unsolvable problems. I am happiest when I am solving a problem no one else has and I know that I will rarely get that opportunity with only a masters.

So until next week when I speak with this professor, I want to be a grown man-child and cry about it.