So this past weekend lived up to the mythos. In fact, the week leading up to it was something else as well. So my tale of last week is broken up into a few sections here, which I’ll go over one by one.

The Pee Pants

On Wednesday, during my tempo run, I noticed everyone I passed was giving me a funny look. An elderly couple looked at me as if they were confused. I jokingly thought to myself that they must not be used to seeing a lanky guy like myself expending so much energy to barely move. A mother and daughter walking their dog refused to respond when I greeted them. Then, one woman on a bike initially gave me a welcoming smile but then sort of glanced down and winced. It was then that I realized there was something wrong, so I checked to make sure my baggage was stowed (if you know what I mean) and everything was in order. Everything seemed fine except there was a sweat pattern developing around my crotch. I’m sure it looked like I peed my pants, but I didn’t and it could have looked far worse.

The Ulcer

Jay: I farted on Jason’s pillow, he farted on Jonah’s, thinking it was mine, and eventually pinkeye-d my pillow. I’m not proud of any of this.

Well, I didn’t develop pink-eye, but it sure felt like I did. Friday morning I stuggled to keep my eyes open and found it grew worse throughout the day, leading into light sensitivity and soreness. I assumed it was just something in my eye and a night’s sleep would clear it up. It actually became worse, so I went to the optometrist. Turns out I had developed an ulcer in my upper right eye and it had become emergent. I had to apply drops in my eye hourly and go back the next day to check to see if the prescription was effective. I took the opportunity to live like Batman the next day and avoided spending any time in the sun.

It cleared up by about 80% on Sunday and I was told I could scale back the prescription usage. I should be able to start wearing my contacts again by Friday.

The Stitch

As per our Sunday evening routine, I was finishing a few things on the grill (mushrooms and under-cooked pork) when yet another emergency occurred. Our cheap knives have this bad habit of not staying in the handle, which led to one of the steak-knives doing just that. From about 3 feet off the ground, it feel tip down into my foot. There wasn’t any pain, but gravity took over and blood starting spurting out. I yelled at Sunshine to try and get her to bring me a towel to stop the bleed. Her response: bring a towel and the Britta water pitcher, apply the later before the former. This just caused more blood to pour out, so I took the towel, wrapped the wound, and hurried into the bathroom tub.

I don’t claim to be even remotely medical, so I figured a hospital visit was in order. The hospital may be less than 5 miles away, but we had to wait 2 hours to see a doctor, bleeding wound and all. After a smart-assed male nurse came in to give me a tetanus shot, the PA decided I only needed 1 stitch, which was quickly administered.

She also recommended that I not run (the fact that I was a runner was only logical after she took my blood pressure and found it to be 104/55) until the stitch was removed next Wednesday. I said to hell with that and ran yesterday and today anyways, albeit slower than planned. I figured if there are people that can run without feet at all, then the least I could do was deal with a single stitch without whining.

So here are my pace charts for last week. I burned ~1500 calories and struggled with the heat all week. I took a few walk breaks due to the oppressive heat. Sunday was not a good run, as you can tell from all of the up and down motion in the chart. Hopefully this week will turn out better.

tags: bbq, doctor, hospital, pee pants, pink eye, rest when you're dead, running, sweat